Possessed
by SailorCopperOwl
Summary: All I want is a nice, enjoyable date with the girl I love. Just a cup of coffee, just one cup of coffee in peace. Please, Usagi... A different kind of PGSM Rei/Jadeite from Mamoru's POV. Edited the fourth chapter for more Rei/Jadeite duel
1. Chapter 1

**Another story I wrote for the fun of it. Another different approach to Rei/Jadeite. Entirely unrelated to any of my other stories. I always liked the snarkiness of Mamoru. And I still wonder how Rei/Jadeite could happen without me taking a shortcut. Because, wouldn't Rei simply roast him. Wait a minute, wouldn't Jadeite simply love her even more the more she tried to stomp him into the ground? Hm...**

**Please review! **

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><p>Hello, my name is Mamoru Chiba. I'm not a normal guy. Because normal guys have normal dates. Me, however... I have a wonderful girlfriend. Beautiful, warm-hearted, honest, and the bravest woman I've ever seen. All I want is to be able to meet her over in town for some coffee, if we feel like it, have a good time on a nice day.<p>

Unfortunately, I don't get a say in this.

When I was a kid, I always wished I had brothers. I always had a feeling there should be someone beside me, to have fun with.

I was so naive.

Now I'm surrounded all the time by one or more of my Shitennou.

I love the Shitennou. I really do. We are like brothers.

And like brothers, sometimes I could kill them.

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><p>"The statistics says that every year, the number of people who die or get paralyzed in motorcycle accidents..."<p>

"I'm taking the bike, Kunzite. I'm not a statistics. I've been driving this baby for years, and never had an accident. Because I know how to handle it."

"With all due respect, Master, I'm not criticizing your driving style here, which by no means can be described as considerate, but you don't have to be the guilty part in an accident to be the most heavily injured. You can't deny that it's the means of transport that has the highest risk."

I only can roll my eyes. "No, Kunzite. Riding horses is way more dangerous. And you never made such a fuss about the horses in the old days..."

"Horses!" sneers Kunzite. "Horses have a sense of duty. I don't remember ever allowing you to ride a horse that didn't have twice as much common sense as you. And you had been trained to ride horses all your life, while training for this suicide machine takes only a few weeks. I have done the research, Master!"

"You know, Kunzite, one day, I'll get you your own, and then we'll talk again."

"Master!" Nephrite is shocked. "You wouldn't allow Kunzite to drive something that's fast and deadly!"

"Or look like a cockroach," grins Jadeite. Yeah thanks, guys. You two were the ones who were begging for driving lessons.

"I Will Take The Bike." I say. I make a lot of concessions, I really do. But not this. Those guys are really concerned about my safety, and that's very moving. The bad thing about it is that whatever I do, I can never make up for all the things they go through to keep me safe. They really dedicate their lives to it. It supplies them with a built-in moral superiority in every discussion. The fact that Endymion and me managed to get ourselves killed in earlier lives when we shouldn't have isn't really helping either. But there's no way they can make me give up my bike.

"Then you will take Jadeite with you for protection," says Kunzite, and there's a gleam in his eye that means I have won, but he'll make me pay for it.

"It's Zoisite's day today," I say. I know I have lost, but if you give in to Kunzite too easily, he gets miserable. He needs the chance to dip you into your misery before letting go.

"Zoisite is busy."

He's enjoying this. I look over to Zoisite who gives me a sorry look. But he has the gleam too. I wonder what Jadeite has done to them to deserve this.

Or me.

But if I complain now, Kunzite will start over with the whole motorbike discussion.

No thanks.

He's already changed my whole diet (so I don't risk my health), my clothes (by telling Usagi all about harmful substances in my other clothes, that bastard), my training schedule (by calling one into existence) and my housing (OK, that was Zoisite, but you would move into a house with soundproof walls too after a while with him around).

And did I mention all the not so subtle hints from each of the guys that Usagi and me should stop the silly teenage dating stage and get serious about making babies? Although I stopped complaining about that when Nephrite asked me: "Do you really want Zoisite and Kunzite to train you in male contraception measures instead?"

Err, no. Not really.

They trained Endymion. That has to suffice. Really. Believe me. If Kunzite has a lesson for you, you're going to remember it. Several lifetimes over.

So now he's ruling my dates, fully disapproving of them. I probably should be grateful he hasn't set his mind on pushing the babies idea further. Instead, I get Jadeite. Who loves anything that's pink and silly and can't be stopped from cooing at small children and has volunteered to babysit any upcoming princesses more often than I can count. Probably Kunzite has decided to leave the task of speeding up my procreation willingness to someone more suitable, someone with the perseverence and common sense of a house fly.

Yay. Nothing compares to the change in your life when you're suddenly surrounded by family after years of solitude. Except probably toothaches.

Sometimes, I'd really like to travel back in time to meet the kid I once and have a nice little chat with him.


	2. Chapter 2

I call Usagi to tell her that it's going to be Jadeite who's with me today. As the guys insist to be around me on our dates (pointing out that some of these dates have been deadly in the past), Usagi usually brings one of the girls, so it's not too awkward. Sometimes, it's fun, like a double date. Zoisite and Minako are fun, but with the other senshi, Zoisite is shy, and he generally suffers in crowded places. Kunzite is fun with Minako, too, and with Makoto. Kunzite and Rei can be sweet together, or horrible, it depends. Kunzite and Ami... isn't even imagineable. Nephrite is uncomplicated with senshi, but picks fights with everyone else who looks at us in a funny way.

Jadeite would theoretically be fun. He likes to socialize, is easy to entertain and doesn't lecture me. Usagi adores him. He would be fun to have around. If it wasn't for...

"Fine, I'll tell Rei to come over!"

This.

Jadeite. Is. Dead.

"Usagi... please... is that really a good idea?"

"Aw, they're so cute together! Jadeite likes her!"

"No, he doesn't. And Rei hates him. She'll bugger him all the time."

There is a special giggle on girls. Anyone of you who's had a girlfriend will know what I mean and feel an icy coldness creep into their guts.

*giggle* "... but he likes that!"

"She will torture him!"

"He likes that too!"

"But I don't! I don't like to watch it. How about that?"

"Mamoru, you know how Jadeite-kun is often so depressed and not getting over the Dark Kingdom and all. But he's really spirited when he's with us. Don't you agree this is a good thing?"

"Well... the ends doesn't always justify the means..."

"Don't be so lame, Mamoru Chiba! This is going to be fun! I tell you, we'll bring them together."

I. Am. Dead.

"Kunzite will throw a fit."

*giggle* "...then tell him from me that I am the senshi of love and justice, and if he interfers with my mighty matchmaking powers, I'll punish him. Tell him if hear one single complaint about his attitude, he's next on my list. I have lots of cute girlfriends who adore grumpy old men."

Have you ever shuddered so hard that you almost dropped your phone?

"Usagi... I love you more than words can say... but I'm not going to tell Kunzite that."

"Ah, that's okay. Sorry I bothered you with it, honey. I'll tell him myself."

"Usagiiiii..."

But she's already hung up, no doubt to giggle some more.

I turn to Jadeite.

"Guess who she'll bring."

"I heard it."

"Is that a smile on your face?"

"Last time, I won."

"That's exactly what's worrying me. Rei has had a lot of time to grudge. She will roast you."

"Yeah..."

"Look, Jadeite... I know you think this is just a game, but be careful. This can be serious in a heartbeat. Remember what happened last time, and how you promised this isn't going to happen again. Ever. Don't mess with Rei today. Be nice. Okay?"

"Of course, Master. If it's your wish, I'll be extra nice."

Somehow, I don't have a good feeling about this.


	3. Chapter 3

We're early at the cafe where we'll meet the girls, and after a while, Usagi comes in.

I'm smiling at her, and Jadeite's elbow hits me sharple into the ribs.

"Master, new outfit!", he hisses.

I forgive Kunzite everything. Jadeite can be so awesome sometimes. Noone saves my life more often than he.

"Hi Usagi, wow, what are you wearing there? That looks so good!"

Usagi is beaming happily, but Jadeite still gives me a grim look, so that means I have to spout more compliments, and I do and as always, he is right, because now Usagi happily presents her new clothes from all sides which in turn makes me and Jadeite happy as well.

Then Usagi sits down, opposite of me, which is a pity but the only arrangement that keeps Jadeite out of Rei's range.

"Rei will be there in a minute! Just went to the ladies' room to change into the new outfit she bought when we were shopping."

"She's been _shopping_ with you?"

If there's one thing that Rei hates more than dating, it's shopping. Her mood must have reached an all-time low now, and she hasn't even seen Jadeite yet.

"Oh yes!" chirps Usagi. "There was this sale on the way here that I just couldn't pass, and I persuaded her to go there with me. I'm so glad I did, she really enjoyed it! She even bought something she's happy with! Wait til you see her!"

"If she's happy, I am too," says Jadeite and smiles a big false smile.

"Oh, Jadeite, that's so sweet of you!"

"You shouldn't encourage him, Usagi. The less they interact, the b... b..."

Hhhhhh...

I've never been closer to a heart attack than in this moment.

"Hi everyone. What do you think of my new outfit?"

Rei is coming over. And yes, she is wearing something new. And there is no man on Earth who could finish his sentence when the senshi of passion suddenly turns up in hotpants.

Hotpants. Very, very hot. Pants. Clinging to her fabulous, brainfusing, ass... I mean, curves... I mean... what the hell...WOW!

I don't know what else she's wearing, or if she's wearing anything else at all. My eyes don't make it any further than her pants.

"Oh, hi Jadeite, nice to meet you. I heard you promised to behave extra well today, now that's good news for me, eh? How do you like my new clothes?"

While Usagi is squealing something about how cute or whatever girls squeal at each other, Jadeite and me give the perfect open mouthed preteen boy appearance. A Neanderthal village idiot with a big club would look sophisticated next to us, I'm certain.

Rei turns left and right in front of our table so we can have a better view of how fabulous her butt is exactly. We have the attention of the whole place now. I'm amazed they don't burst into applause. Or into flames.

I can't get over it. Her looks, yes. But also that glint in her eyes.

If there's one thing Rei hates more than dating and shopping, it's posing.

This is a declaration of war. I can't even begin to imagine what weapon Jadeite could pull up against this.

He hasn't been moving yet, not even to breathe. He must still be in shock. She's come so close to him, I don't know what's keeping him from falling face first into that lovely, swinging, moving...

A shoe hits my shins.

"What do you think, Mamoru?"

Believe me, Usagi, you really don't want to know.

"Huh?"

"Rei's new outfit? What do you think of it, isn't it so cute?"

Girlfriends should take courses on simple boyfriending. With lessons like "Is your boyfriend uncommunicative, or did his brain just short-circuit for a very good reason?". Or maybe boyfriends should take lessons in "Elementary smalltalk in girlfriend's best friend's death trap". Oh wait, I did take that course. That is, Endymion did. It was called diplomatics and ettiquette and the like. Endymion had it better. Wait, shouldn't Jadeite remember these courses too?

Of course, Jadeite's blood is rushing everywhere but to his brain right now. Can't really blame him.

And I have boyfriend duties now. Like, complimenting a breathtaking woman who is not your girlfriend without deadly insulting the breathtaking woman who IS your girlfriend.

"Yes... of course..." That's always a good one. But they want more. And believe me, a single "very cute" isn't going to do it. Today's men have to be able to come up with a coherent fashion statement in the face of doom. If I had known that already when I had been in the Dark Kingdom, I could have saved myself a lot of hassle. "Amazing color! Are you trying something new?" That one is a classic that has saved my life many times before.

"Oh no," she starts chatting. Why does she still have to stand at the table, giving Jadeite a good view of the front side of her really tight pants, why can't she sit down? "It's something I used to wear a while ago. I recently found those old pictures they made of me when I was testing the idol business, and the next thing I see is this outfit on sale. It's probably a wink of destiny."

Wow, destiny must have had a hell of a day today.

"Please sit down, Rei," I stammer. Jadeite has blinked. That means he'll soon regain consciousness again and say something. Better he does that while the pants are out of sight.

She sits down, next to Usagi, facing Jadeite, grinning victoriously, and it helps.

Jadeite manages to take his eyes off her long enough to smirk at me, and take a breath to respond.

I'm alarmed.

Now there is one thing about Jadeite that one easily forgets nowadays. Jadeite, while being the playful fun-loving soft-hearted dependable little cousin and sort of baby brother of mine who I could cuddle all day if he let me, is not per se a nice person. Nice persons aren't Guardian material. If your life depends on someone, you want him to be generally nastier than your opponent, quick and merciless with his blade, and handling a lot of magic very well which takes one wicked mind.

So, Jadeite is nice unless you challenge him. Or me. Or both of us.

Like Rei is doing right now.

I want to go home. Preferably to bang Kunzite's and Zoisite's heads together.

Too bad our home isn't on an entirely different planet from the senshi any more.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sometimes, a chapter developes itself. For this, I had planned on some lighthearted snark, some witty duel of words. But Rei andAn Jadeite wouldn't let me. They were at each other's throats before I could come up with something amusing. Although this chapter has its moments. "Napkin, Jadeite?" ;D**

**The compliment that goes with the rose is from the anime and I wouldn't be surprised if everyone remembered it for being so horrible ;D**

**Edit: I tried to give the duel some more drive. It's pretty nasty now. That's better ;D I still need a slower start to it. I'd like it to be something like thunder growling in the far distance, barely audible, but you know it'll be on you in no time... tell me if you want the old version back.**

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><p>Jadeite's smirk broadens as he takes a single flower out of the little flower arrangement on the table, gets up from his seat (in a genius moment, or out of experience,he has chosen extra tight jeans today, and a long t-shirt to go over it, so he can do this with confidence), bows perfectly with one hand on his chest, and offers her the flower with his other.<p>

"Please allow me to offer you this small gift of admiration... even this rose is no match for your beauty."

Wow. That was really horrible, but... he does remember the basics of courting. Now I want to burst into applause. Or flames. Just as long as I burst.

And I can't believe it, but Rei is impressed. And embarrassed. OK, so it was a really wooden attempt at a compliment, but still... could it be she's vulnerable to chivalry?

"Tha-thanks," she murmurs and takes the flower.

"My pleasure! I'm smitten!"

"Oh, how sweet!" Usagi beams at me, and it dawns on me that she is going to support Jadeite's new strategy. This is going to be interesting. I should get me a tattoo. So that in moments like these, I have something less painful to remember to amuse myself.

The waiter is coming over with a full tray. That's weird, we haven't ordered yet.

"Strawberry vanilla shake for you, Miss... Black coffee, and apple pie, Sir... a diet coke for the young man, and a chocolate cherry cup for the young lady."

Mars stares into the yummy ice cream in front of her.

"I didn't order that..."

"I did," says Jadeite. He's pleased, and he has reason to. I knew he's had a few words with the waiter when we came, but I had no idea what he was up to. "Somehow, today I thought I should try and surprise you. I had no idea you were planning the same. And your surprise is so much better than mine. But I hope you like mine anyway. Try it. Their cherry ice-cream is mind blowing."

And Rei tries. A bit suspicious, because she has not forgotten Jadeite's behaviour the last time. Judging from her expression, and the fact that Jadeite still lives, that ice-cream is really good.

Usagi is chirping along about how this is Rei's favourite combination of ice-creams (I guess I don't have to ask her who gave Jadeite that information), and how sweet and whatever girls say to each other.

"I hope you like your shake, too, Princess," says Jadeite to her with that little business frown he always has when he's on the job.

"Ah, it's so delicious! You remembered my favourite taste!"

Not that it's very hard when someone's favourite taste is "as sweet as posible" and "as pink as possible", but okay, Jadeite managed to nail down both, while I usually go for only one. Got to keep room for improvement.

"Isn't this so nice of Jadeite, Rei-chan? Huh, Rei-chan, what do you say?" With a grinning Jadeite in front of her, and an excited Usagi next to her, Rei has no chance to wiggle out of this. Still I'm impressed when she decides to go right back to her initial strategy of testing Jadeite's self-restraint.

"Mmmmh," she says, slowly and luxuriously eating a spoonful of ice-cream. "Very good." She slowly licks her spoon, giving Jadeite a split second of attention which hits him like a hammer. "So yummy."

Jadeite's hypnotized.

I would be too, but Usagi's giggling, and nothing sobers me like that.

So, instead of getting lost in the sight, I merely appreciate it, and I get some boyfriend bonus points by being able to smile at my girlfriend while in the seat next to her, the senshi of passion puts out all stoppers and gets dramatically sensual on an innocent spoon.

"Thank you, Jadeite," she purrs, "That's really good."

"Always at the service of your happiness," breathes Jadeite somewhat incoherent with what breath he has left.

Her lips are caressing another spoonful.

"Just how I like it."

I sigh. Everyone has given me hell for allowing someone to assume a teenage form for a guardian. Considering this, Jadeite has exceeded all expectations. But he can't be expected to deal with a fully determined senshi.

From the way Jadeite's eyes are getting glassy, I am one hundred percent certain that one of Rei's feet is currently teasing its way up Jadeite's leg. I'm raking my brain for an excuse to look under the table, but she would see through it and it would be embarassing. Even more embarassing than sitting here knowing exactly what she's doing, and getting a hard on. I don't know what kind of devil is possessing Rei today.

Jadeite stares dreamily and silly openmouthed at her, but he's holding his position. Full credits for not melting into his seat and moving into her touches...

And then Jadeite amazes me. I mean, really amazes me, like blowing my mind with bravery, resilience and nastiness beyond my imagination. Full guardian glory.

Because with a breathtaking woman's toe aiming at his balls, and his body and soul in flames, he still can smirk and counter attack.

"I really appreciate that you do that for me, Mars," he starts sweetly, and Rei is confused and slightly disgusted. "You wouldn't have to, you know. You're always very beautiful, whatever you wear. I can see that. I'm not blind. You wouldn't have to dress yourself like_ this_ to get my attention."

"What?" Now he has gotten her. She's flattered, she insulted, she's going to be mad any second, but for now, she's not caught on yet, and Jadeite makes the most of it.

"Ah, these modern times are amazing," sighs Jadeite with a happy smile. "You don't know how lucky I feel just to sit here with you when you're dressed like _this_. Every guy in this room would instantly kill me just to be able to take my place. Of course, your Sailor outfits didn't leave much to the imagination either. But you look so much better in this _thing_, you know, showing less panties, but more curves."

_"What?"_

And this is the reason why in the past, me and Usagi were keeping our dates secret: to keep Shitennou and senshi apart from each other. Namely, Jadeite and the panties of Sailor Mars. Although, for his defense, I must say you haven't heard what an insult is if you haven't flashed your panties at Kunzite.

"Thank you, Mars, that is so sweet of you. I really appreciate it, believe me, I do. Noone has ever worn so little just for me."

This is probably slightly inaccurate if I remember correctly what the Shitennou used to do to pass the long, boring winter nights, but I'm sure not going to mention that now, and answer to my girlfriend for my knowledge of details.

Jadeite leans a bit over the table as he lands his next one. "This is a very sensual outfit, Mars, it's really hot, and still so classy. I'm really floored by your looks and all the attention you put into this. You really nailed down my tastes. You couldn't have given me a more pleasant surprise..."

Usagi goes "aw...".

I go "err...".

"What the hell are you thinking, Jadeite?" hisses Rei, no doubt on her way to a slowmotion explosion. "I didn't put this outfit on for you!"

"But Rei-chan..." says Usagi with this too-innocent face she makes when she's guilty as hell. "You bought it right after hearing Jadeite would come..."

"So what? These two events are not related in any way!"

Jadeite is grinning so widely and obnoxiously that even I who loves him like a brother wants to punch right into this grin.

"I'm sure the outfit you had picked initially for this date would have looked very well on you, too. You're breath-taking in everything, Mars, just everything. Even panties. Really."

Rei is struggling for an answer. I suspect she has never had to deal with this kind of talk before.

"It was a leotard. And we're not having a date," she finally comes up with.

"I know. They have."

Good you reminded me of it, Jadeite. Although I have a feeling there won't be much left of the nice, pleasant little spontanous coffee with my girlfriend after you and Rei are done with each other.

"While we just ended up here, because, er, I'm here to protect my Master's life, and you... dunno, keep the princess entertained with being afraid of boys I guess."

"I'm - - - _WHAT_?"

Jadeite is going to be roasted like no man has ever been roasted by the senshi of passion before, and he seems to be determined to make it worth it.

"But you don't have to be afraid of me, Mars. I won't hurt you. Nowadays. No more _dagger _coming your direction. Unless you want it to. Then of course you just have to say the word and I'll be delighted to show you all my best mov..."

Oh no. He did it. He mentioned it. Again. So much for having a nice date in town. Slap his head right now or leave that for later and let the wrath of Mars loose on him? Before I can decide, it's being decided for me. New record on reaction time, Mars. Seems like this is becoming and automated response. It's amazing what enough practise can do for your reflexes.

"Don't think any girl will ever want to see your 'dagger', because it's crooked and ugly," snaps Rei. I swear, she has been waiting for this. She has practically been forcing him. There is only so many times you can offer Jadeite a perfect berserk button before he has to give in and poke it. "And you can wiggle it around as desperate as you want, you're not impressing anyone. I've seen what you call a dagger, and it's pathetic."

Did I already mention what I think of Jadeite's common sense in the face of challenge? Add a sad lack of survival instinct to the list.

"Ah, senshi of passion, so you're an expert, had lots of chances to make comparisons, huh?"

Jadeite! You promised!

"If I had, do you think I'd still even consider joking about yours?"

"At least I don't have to compensate anything by having a blade as long as my arm!"

Ah, Jadeite, what did I tell you about those length jokes? Now I'm very inclined to leave you to your fate, you know.

"Yeah, must have been confidence that let you chose a sword almost as big as yourself for stabbing Kunzite! You guys sure don't need to compensate anything with those swords, do you?"

And you too, young lady. I come to think you deserve this. Seriously. Well, at least my girlfriend is backing me up by pouting at Rei now.

"But Rei-chan, size isn't anything, you know. And on a tall guy, it's a matter of proportions anyway."

Thank you, Usagi. So much for support.

"Skills is what matters," says Jadeite with confidence. "And practise. A weapon needs to be kept in use. You can't only materialize it out of subspace every five years and expect top performance."

"Certainly," sneers Rei back. "I guess with all the youmas you're hunting down these days, your dagger will hardly ever get a rest."

From dagger joke to youma joke in less than a minute. That's a new low. Does that mean we have room for lower lows today? I think so. We know how touchy Jadeite is with youmas. And why.

"Thank you, yes, I'm in immaculate shape. Glad you noticed. Well, with you senshi being out of proper spellpower these days, I'll be just too happy to provide dagger power to you, senshi of passion. Feel free to use mine any time, you don't look like there's enough magic in your life right now."

"Shut. Up. Jadeite."

Wiser advice has never been given. Unfortunately, Jadeite wouldn't recognize wisdom if it bit him into his dagger. He just puts on his most unpleasant smirk.

"I'll consider it a matter of honor to help you out in any way possible. So that next time you need to fight, you're not too weak to defend yourself again."

"SHUT UP, YOUMA LICKER!"

Our audience who has probably been disappointed by our two minutes of civilized behaviour can rejoice. Warfare is back on, with cherry bullets and half a canon ball of chocolate icecream sliding down Jadeite's face. She has thrown the glass cup as well, I really hope the red liquid on Jadeite's face is cherry sauce.

Oh-oh, senshi of passion. Tactical mistake. Now he has his eyes closed and won't be distracted by our hot pants that you flash so awesomely by having jumped up and leaning over the table hissing well-deserved insults at my Guardian. It's amazing how one bad joke can survive ten thousands of years and still provoke exactly the same reaction. Minus the fire ball, this time.

Usagi makes some futile efforts to slow down the inevitable.

"Now Rei-chan, please, I'm sure he didn't mean it that way... now Jadeite, was that really necessary?... please Rei-chan, sit down... are you hurt, Jadeite-kun?... Rei-chan, please, calm down... don't call him that in public... don't call him that at all... that one neither... Rei-chaaaan..."

"Napkin, Jadeite?"

"Thanks, Master."

He's still wiping his face when Usagi suceeds in the old "I can't go pee without you" trick.

"Uhm, Rei-chan, come with me, NOW. We should have a little talk!"

She gives us an apologetic smile as she steers the steaming Rei out of the danger zone.

Jadeite is shameless enough to climb on his chair, and yell through the whole cafe behind them.

"I really like you, Mars-chan! I always did! I always will! Please go on a date with me!"

I see Rei cringe and get the picture of a spring, ready to jump back on us.

I have to pull Jadeite down before Rei will turn around and come back to pull him down herself, and probably push him several feet into the ground while she's at it.

"Jadeite, get a grip, give the girls a break. Sit down."

I have to resort to my actual command voice, and even that only helped after the hot pants had vanished behind a door. Thankfully, Rei has decided to delay bloody revenge and get herself some Jadeite-free minutes first.

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><p>The girls are having their strategic talk, which gives me the chance to have the same with my delusional guardian.<p>

"I apologize for that remark, Master," he says.

"Tell that Rei. And Jadeite, 'please go on a date with me' - what the hell are you trying to pull here?"

He looks at me, sulking, cherry sauce and molten chocolate ice still streaking his face. He smells delicious. But that's no excuse.

"I'm just being nice, as you requested, Master," he says. Then he puts on one of those eager little smiles. "I can try to be even nicer if you want!"

_"No!"_

I shoot him a stern glance, but he only smiles back, still not letting go of the idea. Jadeite can be incredibly hard to talk out of a bad idea. Seriously, a date with Rei, does he have a death wish or what?

"Look, Jadeite," I try, "don't overdo it. I have a feeling this isn't just a game for Rei any more. You should be careful not to hurt her feelings."

"But she can hurt mine?" he pouts back angrily.

"Jadeite, don't make things complicated. Don't blame Rei for your behaviour. She has issues with the idea of dating, and you shouldn't make it worse."

I don't know what's the matter with Jadeite today, because he totally freaks now.

"Oh, I see, Master. That's how it is. She's a senshi, she's one of the good ones, and when it scares the hell out of her that I am being nice to her, it's me trampling on her feelings. It's such a big deal when the good ones suffer, while I'm the one who drags the shadow of the Dark Kingdom behind him so that makes me the monster for all times. So when she makes fun of me for being friends with all the youma that have died at her hands, it's totally okay, and it's making things too _complicated _for the good ones that we youma lickers have feelings too, and I'm getting lectured for overdoing it because I have forgiven her, although she hasn't done anything to deserve it. Well, Master, if you don't mind, I'm taking myself a five minute _issue with dating_ right now."

He jumps off his chair, and turns to leave the room. That's when we both realize that the girls are standing nearby, listening with their mouths open.

Jadeite freezes for one embarassing moment, and then stomps past them angrily.

To my astonishment, it's Rei who calls after him.

"Jadeite!"

She could have saved her breath, noone is going to stop him now. She realizes it and follows him out of the cafe.

She follows him! I'm looking to Usagi for an explanation, only to discover that she's mad at me.

"Hey, Usagi," I say and force myself to smile. "What's going on here?"

"What did you do to Jadeite-kun?"

"Me? Did I get us into this matchmaking hell?"

"Did you listen to a single word of what I told you earlier today?" she asks back, her hands on her hips.

The whole cafe gets their hopes up to see another show.

"Usagi, please sit down..."

I look out of the window of the cafe. Jadeite is standing outside. He wouldn't have gone out of sight, he's on duty, but man, is he still mad. Rei is with him, talking to him, but it's not likely she's going to get a decent response out of him.

Now she kisses him. Okay, I was wrong. That gets her a response. Must be the smell. Next time, I'll dip Jadeite in chocolate before I date Usagi again, maybe then I'll have a chance to down a cup of coffee with her in peace. One cup of coffee...

"Did you see that?" I ask the girlfriend who grins triumphantly. "What are they doing?"

Usagi only gives the two guardians who are now kissing each other like there is no tomorrow the shortest side-glance.

"What does it look like in your opinion, Mamoru?"

At least now she's smiling.

"But... why?"

"I told you he likes her!"

Usagi beams happily and now, she comes by my side to embrace me.

I feel a lot like snatching her up and do a Rei/Jadeite at her, but probably we've given the cafe enough amusement already.

"Usagi, you know Rei better than I do... when did she stop hating him?"

"But she didn't. It's pretty obvious, isn't it?"

I must have lost the ability to see anything clearly, no matter how obvious, somewhere between the hotpants and the hot kisses. The way Rei's hands are moving on my guardian doesn't help either.

"Oh. Isn't this... going to be bad for Jadeite?"

"Oh come on, Mamoru. He needs that."

"Impossible! You heard him, she hurt his feelings."

"It looks like he's calming down already."

"It does not! He's such a gentle kisser normally, he'd never have a go at someone like this if he wasn't really mad!"

I realize the whole cafe is listening now. Extra points for self-control and volume control, Chiba.

"Usagi, how about we just leave this place now?"

"You're right, they are going too fast. Let's take them for a walk so they can cool down a bit, what do you think?"

"Everything that stops those two from entertaining the whole cafe with their newly found battle technique."

Usagi giggles. I take that as a yes, pay, and we hurry out to call our guardians back to duty.


End file.
